Crescent (a response to Fatherland)

Behind the music

Crescent was in a conceptual stage even before applying to MIF’s Creative50 scheme. I knew the song would address topics of fatherhood as it is a topic I feel very strongly about and, upon joining the Creative50 and looking through the list of art pieces and events I could respond to, Fatherland was the perfect opportunity to address those topics. The distinct piano melody that is heard at the beginning of the song and during the bridge was the first physical manifestation of the song before Creative50 and I was eager to draw inspiration and ideas from Fatherland, musically and lyrically and, ultimately, build the rest of the music around that motif.

 

And so soon came the 5th day of July, the day I would see Fatherland; the day I was told my father had been diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer. Amongst the flurry of emotions, this made one thing certain; finishing the song was now more important than ever.

Upon seeing Fatherland, I thoroughly digested as much stimuli as I could. I took questions that were asked to characters in the play about their fathers and asked those questions to myself.

"What's your earliest memory of your father?"

"How did he meet your mum?"
"Did he ever tell you he loves you?"

Quickly, I had a list of things that made my father uniquely “my father” and they informed the lyrics. Although this song was already in the process of being written before the cancer diagnosis, it would have been foolish not to address the situation and so the song speaks about it subtly. But I strived for an uplifting quality, as opposed to a morbid or specifically exclusive one, because life isn't a single direct emotion. It's a spectrum of light and dark and, similar to how Fatherland did, I wanted to portray that spectrum.

However, despite finally having inspiration, the song was still not recorded until the last 7 days of the festival, which meant the song had to be finished in less than that if I wanted it to be shared during festival time. My mother gave me a little kick up the backside to finish it, and so I booked a studio session from 2pm until its 10pm close and that is when most of the song was constructed. I didn't write it alone though; many of the most poignant aspects of the song were accidental, seemingly crafted by a higher force, and that's how I knew it was right. I had never had such a comforting feeling from surrendering control and I managed to complete the song in 3 days, and subsequently the video with Al Conteh in 1 and a half.

Musically, I took inspirations from Karl Hyde’s music (the composer of the play), particularly the ethereal qualities of ‘Cut Clouds’, as well as incorporating the anthemic chants and rhythms ever-present in the play itself. I also took influences from other music that portrays this same ethereal and atmospheric, uplifting and hopeful spirit; 'Crawl' by Chris Brown and The Messingers, 'Coming Home' by John Legend, Charlie Puth's 'See You Again', Ed Sheeran's 'Photograph', and Thomas Newman's emotionally stunning 'Nemo Egg' piece. Also worth noting, is that the song was in fact written backwards, with the instrumental/bridge and the climax of the song being written first and the rest of the track following.

This song is called Crescent, derived from the etymology of my father’s name, and it is a tribute to him and all that he has sacrificed during my lifetime.  I know a lot of people whose fathers were not around during their lives, but this song is also for them. A father is not necessarily the one who conceived you, but the one who raised you and made you the person you are today. That is why my father is a great father, because he didn't have to be my father. He chose to be and he earned his right to love us, and that's what this song celebrates. Ultimately, that’s what this song is – a celebration.

Crescent lyrics

I’ve cried,

but there’s still time.

I have things I wanna say to you,

‘cos I’ve found a truth.

You did not plant me here,

but you will reap what you’ve sown in me.

Holding me for 20 years,

and it’s time I repaid.

For all the times,

you bought us ice cream late at night in your car,

listening to Akon and latin reggaeton,
fell asleep, then you'd carry us to bed in your arms.

Sweet memories, sweet memories.

Then mum and you grew further apart,

but you kept us deep inside your heart.

‘Cos a thousand miles for you ain't far,

I know you cry inside,

but still you have the widest smile.

You don’t have to hide you’re lonely,

‘cos it’s human to hurt.

Though you did not choose my name,

I know that you see yourself in me.

‘Cos all that I am today,

is a product of your love.

You gave me books that put colours in my brain,

gave me a guitar and told me never stop playing.

Sometimes I wish you never caught my mistakes,

but when you scolded me, it moulded me.

You taught me how to heal a heartbreak, and

taught me humility by admitting your flaws.

Lifting your sons to reach the stars.

[Instrumental break]

Look how we’ve grown.

We are one.

Though you may feel weak, know you’re the face of my pride.

Who could I be without you?

(I am strong)

We’re stronger now than ever before.

The weight of the world is a feather and no more,

dancing in shoes that used to be yours.

With rhythms from your finger-drums.

There’s no red in my veins,

‘cos it’s your soul I bleed.

And, father, right there it will stay.

There it will stay…

Extremely special thanks to people I simply could not have done this without:

God, for writing this song with me.

Shameer, my brother, who freestyled all of his dance in only two takes, not only re-invigorating and enhancing the music with his forms and musicality, but allowing me to view it as an audience again.

My mother for being a second pair of eyes and ears, forcing me to open up different areas of creativity in my mind, and not letting me settle for mediocrity.

Manchester International Festival and the Creative 50 for giving me the opportunity to substantialise my skills and meet amazingly talented and supportive people.

Contact Theatre for being a place where myself and many other youths can realise their dreams and concepts in a significant way, with incredibly supportive staff and facilitators, and where most of this song was recorded.

Manchester Central Library for graciously providing electric pianos for public use, through which the piano track was recorded.

Stephen Bradshaw of Echo Chamber for generously offering his talents and emotions on the violin and being a true pleasure to work with.

Tobija Wilson for sacrificing his free time and skills from 2pm until 3am to mix and master the music in less than a day, with not a single complaint, and being another truly positive soul to work with. #NoSleepTilWorksDone

Sam Malik, for finding time to lend his personal and professional ears and advice.

Al Shady Conteh, the humble talent, for dedicating time to shooting and editing the video, again in a very short space of time, and being an overly positive and supportive to everyone.

Juju for testing my limits and patience as an older brother and ultimately making me stronger.

Hilal Rayes, for fathering me for 20 years and, hopefully, many more.